The Femme Hub: Making sense from nonsense through creative randomness
Tuesday 9 June 2009
Mr G- Dragon, come on down!!
Wow..Joeystar set the standard quite high. All eloquent and whatnot. I’m almost going to feel bad about the jibberish that I’m about to write.
Almost. But alas, a beggar will always be a beggar and May will always not make sense. Where did I get that “beggar will always be a beggar” from. I think I just made that up. The mind works in mysterious ways, mine moreso.
Alrighties back on track. Big Bang. Or as they refer to themselves “BIG BENG”. My korean friends' tell me this is due to the fact ‘bang’ means room (in korean), which I assume they wish to distance themselves from as it doesnt have the same effect. Big Bang, Big Room. I take the former. Their name (according to their label) is to denote the big effect and revolution they hope to create in the korean idol world. After all the Big bang gave birth to the world (according to some) and Big Beng gave birth to something equally awesome. A reincartion of boybands. Prior to big beng I mean bang they were all pretty and feminine looking..like really feminine,like ohmygod is it a female kinda feminine, like andrognous looking, like..okay I think you get it.
But then came them. All hip-hoppy and r’n’b and cool. All with the exception of one.
Don’t get me wrong. He’s the composer of the band and occasionally the writer but that will only get you so far on cool points. Why is he not cool I here you ask? Two words, a thousand implications.
The Hair.
I had to capitalise the word hair because its that serious. It’s no longer an improper noun, but instead an adjective. For example, consider this conversation I had with a friend a few days ago;
Me- I’m glad exams are over. I feel like I’ve been slipping with Big Bang. I’ve missed out on so many updates. Heck I even missed out on GeeDee’s trip to London.
Friend A- But you don’t even like G-dragon. Wasn’t TOP your favourite?
Me- It’s not that I don’t like him. It’s that I don’t understand him. And FYI me and Tabi are on first name basis now. That’s right. First name.
Friend A- Tabi?
Me- Yes, it’s a nickname, lovingly given to him.
Friend B- You are aware tabi sounds like tubby right? Isn’t that harsh considering he used to ACTUALLY be tubby?
Me- You shush, why are you involving yourself, tabi has reclaimed the word tubby, because hes special. It’s like the word gay. Originally used against the homosexuals,they reclaimed it sometime ago and now its a positive word. Huzzah tabi!
Friend A- And you say you don’t understand G-dragon? You should techincally speaking be best of friends.
Me- I don’t like that tone. Or that implication. Or that facial expression.Cease!
Friend B-O...kaaay. So which one was G-dragon?
Me- The leader?
Friend B- The ginger haired one?
Me- No..that’s Dae Sung
Friend B- The short one?
Me- No he would be Tae Yang. And he’s not short. They’re just really tall its not his fault they paired him with really tall bandmates.
Friend B- Whatever helps him sleep at night. So which one is he?
Friend A- The one with the uhm hair.
Friend B- OHHHHH the skinny one. Why didn’t you just say that? Yeah whats up with his hair anyways?
And thats how I realised that the word hair alone became an adjective when used in conjuction with G-dragon. The sad thing is that the hair wasn’t always like this. I feel that he’s recieved encouragement from his bandmates. Taking comfort in the fact his hair looks so damn bad.Poor misguided guy.
When Big Bang first debuted he actually had very nice hair. It was all short and spiky and suited him. But then the curse of the hairstylist befell him. The hairstylist curse is one that plagues many many MANY artists. Let us not forget the mullet of the 1980s (business in the front,party of the back! ), we all thought it was the result of poor judgement (and perhaps alcohol and shearers) but its only just surfacing that it was the hair stylist curse. The curse is believed to affect artists in their prime and is often the first step towards the hairowing demise (haha hairowing, sometimes I even amaze myself). Billy Ray Cyrus...coincidence that after the mullet he "settles down" and disappears from the music world, nah it wasnt his achy-breaky heart but rather "A bad hairstyle with his name on it".That's only going to be funny if you're aware that Mr Cyrus has a song called 'A heart with your name on it', don't ask how or why I know this, just know that I'm deleting it from my memory bank as I type.
Back to the curse. I have good reason to believe that our beloved Kwon Leadah has fallen prey to the curse. There is someone on his stylist team with a lock of his hair performing voodoo magic right now. That's the only reasonable explanation. No sane person would actually CHOOSE to look that bad. Unless..no no its the curse. Definiately the curse.
Cue the photo montage!!
[ Caption- I'm looking for my manhood. Have you seen her??]
Lets start with the recent 'samurai-inspired' train wreckage. I don't know what looks worse. When its up or when its down. It just looks terrible. And shame on Tabi and the others. How could they allow him to leave looking like that?How could ANYONE let him leave with that...that..shagpile on his head? Oh sweet niblets, he looks like a she here. And when its down he looks like a hobo. At what point did he think this was cool, its not like haircut where its done all at once, the hair had to have grown to reach that length. Did it not occur to him that 'hey, you know what, the people that might have sported this look all died after the Edo period. Maybe it was the result of sexual selection. Maybe nature killed of the hair for a reason'. No? Am I expecting too much? Does the expression 'cut my hair bad once shame on you, cut it bad twice frikkin shame on me' hold no weight with him? I know I just made up that expresison now but he keeps falling for it again and again and again and again. I think someone at YG needs to fired liiiiiike now. Before they get to the other members. They should all hang their head in shame.
[T.O.P: !Looks like theres spiders on your hair.Wait.wait.Oh snap! The hair curse got you again dude Quick look at him walking away, GD: Mo%^&*$^&%£er I posed for pictures looking like this]
Moving on to the hite commerical hair-do. Okay first of all..what the heck is that? You know what it reminds me of? My aunt. She used to tie her hair like that before she went to sleep to keep it all nice and "bouncy" (her words not mine). But she NEVER wore it during the day for the simple reason it looks terrible. Seriously what is that. Does this have a name? And the thing that makes me want to cry and giggle is that he seems so proud of himself in that cf. If my hair looked THAT bad I wouldn't be that happy. I want to meet the person who actually lists this as a cool hairstyle, that actually CHARGES people to look like that. Because I want to shake their hand, and perhaps get some money-making tips from them.
[ Jada Pinkett, eat your heart out. I'm a better Niobe than you could ever be]
Remember how I said the stylists needs to be fired before he/she wreaks havoc on the other members hair? Too late. My beloved tabi fell victim to the Aunty-beddy-time-hair. And it was LIVE. On Japanese television. People get disowned for this kind of hairstyle. But when its GD you just learn to expect it. I bet that when he comes home looking like this nobody even bats an eyelid. So that would explain why the hairstyles keep getting more and more shocking everytime. Hang your head in shame again.
[Don't look at my hair. Look at the phone. It lights up. Oooh shiny distractions]
Lolli-lolli-lollipop, boy neon naui lollipop. I guess when they envisioned lollipop as the concept they really went overboard. Just like a lollipop the clothing is bright, sickly and gives you toothache. The crimped hair? I don't know who's hair crimper he stole but he needs to destroy it. Nobody, and i mean nobody should crimp their hair. Especially not somene with a reputation like his. And I cannot help but mention the clothing. WHO LET HIM NEAR THE PINK JUMPSUIT?And the ringmaster hat begs the question who is sourcing YG with these hideous outfits?Look at tabi, even he can't make this ish look good. I bet he's questioning himself,he used to be an underground rapper you know. Rappers don't sing songs about lollipops, his credentials must have surely slipped a few hundred points or so. If you've watched the MV you understand what I mean. If you haven't don't. I wouldn't inflict that on anyone else. Ringmaster hats,jumpsuits GINGER CRIMPED HAIR. Oh sweet lord, we've entered a parallell universe where crimped hair is cool. I want out.
[Caption- Wait a minute guys, somethings not quite right....]
The permed hair is a variation of the crimped hair. I wish I could say it was a better variation but hey its Geedee. I love this photo, he looks so pleased with himself and Tae Yang and Seungri are just like 'what the f*ck, is he serious'. Yes, he is unfortunately. Looks like a cross between one of the hairs from Jonas Brothers and Navid from 90210. What an ugly result. Permed hair is so not happening. Please people, if you're considering a perm, slap your hairdresser and relocate because they don't have your best interests at heart. Ji Yong, ya what the hell man, I don't even know what to say. This picture speaks a thousand words.
[ Where's that hairstylist. Imma knock him out with my book.And then eat him]
OH MY FRIEND OH MY HAIR. Look what they did. To my once beautiful hair. You know, that actually goes with the song. Go me! I quite like the side/half mohawk thing he had going on during this time. Yes it took a while to grow on me, but I feel it reflected him perfectly. Half conventional other half..not? What I don't like, was when he gelled it down. To give it the slicked look. If you wanted the slick look geedee, you shouldn't have done a Cassie and shaved half your hair. He claims to have put alot of though into this hair, I'm not the least bit convinced.But at least this hair wasn't as bad as the:
GHEI BUN! It's like a bird's nest. Just laying there. Neither a pony tail, nor a normal short style. It's in a league of its own. Netizens call this the duck hairstyle, but I call it the ghei bun because thats exactly what it is. A ghei bun, the result of a torrid love affair with a pony tail and the buzz-cut. When I first started getting into Big Bang they had just released their song 'Gojidhmal' translated as lies and this was the hair G-dragon decided to showcase for their comback show and music video. At the time I wanted him to open the bun but now I think about it the samurai thingy is the ghei bun just open isn't it? I don't know which I dislike more, the ghei bun or the samurai girly hair.
I feel I should end this post with at least a few examples of GD hair gone good. Because its not all side mohawks and ghei buns. There is light even this darkest of tunnels. When I first started listening to Big Bang's music, the first video I ever watched was the 'we belong together' one, and I actually thought he had nice hair (kangol hats notwithstanding). But yeah, all of them had really nice hair. Oh what a sweet time that was.
But if we look back at their Hot Issue mini album photos (whats with koreans and mini albums btw??) he had really nice hair. Look at it! Spiked short hair suits him the best. I love love love loved the Sunset Glow hairstyle. Honestly during that period he was fast becoming the second fave. I was saving many many photos of his. Look at how awesomely peng he looks in the above pictures. And I don't use the word peng as an adjective so that's saying something.
I love him in these photos. He’s so adorkable. He has the hottest smirk. When it’s not being overshadowed by terrible hairstyles that is. It’s hard to appreciate the smirk when you’re confronted by such disasters such as the spider/aunty beddy-bye-bye thing. I know he’s still sporting the half/side Mohawk, whatever it’s called, but it still looks good, maybe because the hairs starting to grow back? I even like the 2nd bohemian, look at my girly headband style. It looks rather modeleque and suits him nicely if I do say so myself.
I like the fact that some of his hairstyles don’t actually have names. Methinks it’s because of the fact he DOES IT HIMSELF. I’m just saying. If I was in charge of G-Dragon’s welfare I would keep the scissors, razors, hell anything that can double as a hair instrument out of reach. I bet the second GD disappears for a long period of time in the house everyone worries, because they know what he does when he's alone. I bet that would explain the birth of the side mohawk.....
*Drifts off*
All of Big Bang minus G-dragon are watching tv when suddenly:
GD-UH OH!
Tae Yang- What happened JiYong?
GD- I had an accident.
TOP- What kinda accident
*Enters the room*
Daesung- You had a fight and the razor won?
Seungri- I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONE FOR TOO LONG!
TOP- What the heck happened?
GD-Weeellll, since everyone kept complimenting Tae on his mohican look I wanted the same compliments so decide to try and do it for myself. Did you know that when the razor is turned on it suddenly becomes very shaky?
Tae Yang- THATS BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TRY TO SHAVE YOUR HAIR ALONE.WHEN WILL YOU LEARN??!?!
GD- S'Not my fault I'm easily influenced. If you think about it it's really your fault. You shouldn't taunt me with your abs and sexy mohawk
Wait. Did he just call Tae Yang sexy?Damn even my tangents are crazy.Anyhoo who saw the special stage with Hyo Ri?
Did his hair not look FANTASTIC there? Yes he looked like the asian verison of Peewee Herman but I assure you, its the suit not the hair. Peewee should be so lucky to have hair that bodacious.
Whilst I admire his attempts to be unique one can't help but worry that he might be trying TOO hard to be different. I like the little changes he makes. Not the full blown out look-at-me-quick hair styles. When your face looks as feminine as his does, you need to be careful with the styles you attempt otherwise you just look..feminine. Exhibit A: The samurai hairstyle. Tell me he does not look like a lost member of 2ne1 (the female big bang-we'll talk about them in later posts, remember the name). I'm not bashing or hating him, as anybody who knows me will tell you I think he's really good looking, its just hard to ignore such travestys such as the crimped hair. IT WAS GINGER AND PERMED! And as a fan I feel I have the right to point out when members of my fave band are caught slipping. Geedee just slips more than others with the hair. Way more. But I still love him crimps and all. I just don't love him and the crimps in the same sentence.
So there you have it. The May breakdown on GeeDee's hair. The Good, the Bad and the downright UGLY! G-dragon, in the name of all that is holy and sacred, don't take hair tips from your current hairstylist. Just hold out until I can finish this psychology degree and I'll be there to save you from committing any more hair faux pas. Just stay away from anything sharp. And anything coloured. Just stay away from your hair in general, you're its worst enemy.
I hope I've been as coherent and eloquent as Joeystar had but I highly doubt it. After all I am the nonsensical random one. But this is a topic close to my heart, many facebook status updates have been dedicated to his random hairstyles in the past and knowing G-dragon I assume many more will be dedicated to them in the future. I have reason to believe that this hair rollercoaster that G-dragon has embaraked on has yet to reach the climax, so alas, we must sit and pray that we never have to see anything close to the ginger permed/crimped hair. Cause that was the worst.
And I leave you with this video. Both G-dragon and Tabi's hair looks amazing. Simple does it!And he plays the trumpet! Does his talent know no ends? Whoever was responsible for this hair please re-hire them. Aaaah they're so cute!
P.s. FYI I used to be on this subbing team. Woop!
If you managed to read this far I applaud your patience. And also question the ways in which you spend your time. Just kidding!!!
from what event is the GD pic with him wearing that red fedora?
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