The Milk Bottle Depression of 2009

We were all there that day, the day which started just like any other…you know, wake up, eat, brush & wash, well my day anyhoo! I hopped on the train in good ole kangaroo fashion en route to May’s house. But first…the first of many traditional adventures to the legendary Sainsbury’s aboard the 25-best bus route evers! So we get off the bus, but not just “get off”, we get off and everyone turns to stare and we hear murmurs of “wow, wish we were them”, “check out that style”, “they are so buff”. (A girl can dream). And then we did the whole slow mo, air blowing, photographers flashing, lights glistening walk along the pavement and through the doors to where the real adventure begins. We move through the items on the shopping list at an unthinkable pace, purely because most of it isn’t even on the list. All is well…until…we get to…..THE MILK!

Now, both of us being relatively spoilt in terms of foodie, picture and YouTube HQ goodness, only want the best milk out there. So it was all about the Cravendale, because “it’s not just any milk, its filtered”. This was when the travesty was discovered. We had upon our hands the first expose of many-The milk bottle depression. This was where it all started, the first signs were apparent from here, from now. All the Cravendales had their heads down and lowered as it hiding in shame or due to lack of self-esteem. It must’ve been the self-esteem; there ain’t no shame in being filtered. The own brand milks were the culprit, bullying and teasing the Cravendales out of sheer jealousy. The travesty! We managed to save one of them from further damage, but the damage had already been done. On trips back to Sainsbury’s we kept finding the same devastating findings, the depressed Cravendales with low self-esteem and moral worth, until recently.

Exhibit A:

Quote from an eyewitness (Identity withheld, for safety): "OMG JOEY STAR THEY'RE ALL LIKE THAT IN SAINS NOW!All of them. It's so sad when I have to get them. Makes me want to give them therapy. Don't be sad milk, boost ur esteem."

Not long ago a movement was passed in Sainsbury’s that all bullying no brand milks would be transferred to packet packaging and lose their right to be bottled; we’ve all seen it happen. They weren’t bluffing. Since then the Cravendales have been safe, and now stand with their heads held high.

To A Legend

Michael Jackson.

A household name. Transcended time, wealth and race. Everybody knew who he was. From the big city man in his office, to the modest farmer in his shack.

Everybody.

It was his music I grew up with. It was his movies and pseudo-documentaries I watched as a child. It was him who took the role as my first childhood crush.

Considering the fact that I didn't really listen to much music as a child that says a lot. I remember sitting in the living room and watching Moonwalker with my cousins. Trying desperately to imitate his anti-gravity lean, oblivious to the fact that without a harness and those special patented shoes it's virtually impossible.

On 25th June, I was at my cousins house talking about something. What was it I don’t remember. But this is what I do remember. I was in her kitchen when our great-aunt called us, to inform us that there were reports about Michael Jackson passing away.

Boy was I surprised. I was just listening to the radio that morning and Kiss FM were giving away tickets to his upcoming London shows.

But more surprisingly, I found that I was upset by the news of his death.

I'm not going to lie and make out as though I was his biggest fan. Because I wasn't. As a matter of a fact, I must admit that up until his death a few weeks ago I paid him and his affairs almost no attention for five years. But I knew then and still do now, that he was one of a kind. Regardless of whatever he was accused of; from the molestation charges, to the allegations that he bleached his skin, we cannot deny that he revolutionised the face of music.

And his revolution wasn't just for the benefit of black people as many journalists have been claiming. But for everyone. He was the first to use music videos as a form of storytelling, a a type of art if you will. Prior to him music videos were solely a way of promoting your album. There wasn't much thought about the concept, or the style of the video. You just got the artist, put them in a room, played the music and wham bam thank you ma'am.

It was him who was one of the first to use complex choreographed moves in his tours, performances and videos.

It was him who inspired many of the artists we see on our television screens today.

And it is for these accomplishments I hope he shall be remembered for. Not the latter part of his life, which was tarnished by rumours and allegations.

He paved the way for artists, black AND white, to try something new. That they should aspire to be more than just successful artists but endeavour to be successful individuals in every aspect of their lives. As it stands, Michael holds the world record for most number of charities supported. He's donated a large amount of his wealth and time to helping those less fortunate.

But it is this kind hearted nature I feel that has been both his blessing and his curse. As I mentioned, he revolutionised and redefined what it meant to be an entertainer. It wasn't just about what his fans could do for him but rather what he could do for his fans, for the world.

I'm not going to get too deep into the whole 'is he guilty' argument but I will say that whenever an individual is perceived to be emotionally susceptible (as I fear Jackson might have been) there will always be those who are cruel enough to take advantage of that. He missed out on his childhood and stated he wanted to try and prevent impoverished and ill children from missing out on theirs. Yes, he may have acted in unconventional ways, but I would like to remind others that he has been found not guilty on ALL counts. So let us stop treating him like a criminal and focusing on the darker parts of his life. Because let's face it. I wasn't there and you weren't there. And what happened to 'innocent until proven guilty'? He's been found to be innocent, there was no evidence to link him to the crime. So let's leave that be.

As for his children, Paris, Prince I and Prince II, the home movies that are surfacing depict Michael as a caring, protective and doting father and my heart mourns for their loss of a father. If you think the fans have it bad remember these children lost the only parental figure in their lives. I doubt they want to be reading about the rumours and gossip surrounding their father at a time like this.

I'm not really a crier and I didn't cry when I heard about Michael's death but the image of Paris at her father's memorial, sobbing, as she talked about 'the best daddy' brought a tear to my eye. You can really see how much their father meant to them. And its sad to know that he won't be around to protect them from the media scrutiny Jackson's parents and family members have so carelessy thrust them into. I really do hope, that whoever ends up as their caregiver, is able to be half the parent to them as MJ was.

I wish I could talk about all his accomplishments but there's just so much to say and I don't think my words would do them justice. I just wanted to make a small tribute/post acknowledging his undeniable talent and his untimely passing.

But what I can mention are my own memories. Whenever I'm asked about my favourite MJ song, I'm unable to decide. That's how much I like his songs. Ask me my favourite Big Bang song and I'll easily tell you 'Wrong number'. MJ on the other hand, I'm stumped. I can't pick between them. I love Billie Jean for it's catchy line 'she's just a girl who claims that I'm the one'. Adore Beat it for the awesome video,love 'Wanna be starting something' for the loltastic epic lyrics and admire black and white for the message it carries.

Many have tried to imitate his style, his voice, his powerful moves but none have to this day succeeded and I honestly feel that none will. The vocal 'hiccup, the 'crotch grab',the moonwalk and military style jackets were all part of the persona that has come to be identified as part of MJ's trademark.

Michael was one of a kind, a true entertainer. Not this pseudo-entertainer-manufactured malarky I see so often occupying the music channels.

Michael Jackson said, "Through, my music I know I will live forever"

And I know for sure, that my grandchildren's children, will know of and admire the musical juggernaut that went by the name of Michael Jackson.


R.I.P

1958~2009


When you were born,
You cried and the world rejoiced
You lived your life so that when you died
The world cried and you rejoiced.

Banner made by Joeystar. Told you she was good.

We Made It!

Don't be late.Don't be late.Don't be late.

I fell asleep repeating that sentence to myself. Why? Because I have this terrible problem where I physically cannot be on time for any appointment,meeting,or anything involving my presence at a particular time. I'm trying to get it recongised as a real problem. I've even got a name ready- lateitis. Not quite original or creative but hey! I'm not the creative one. Which reminds me. I'm getting off track.

So yeah, what do I need to be on time for? MY REUNION DATE WITH JOEYSTAR! Due to the nightmare that is formally known as 'exams' I haven't had a chance to catch up with her (msn excluded). We had planned on meeting around 1 (with some leeway for my lateness) near my house and just doing random stuff. And then retreating back to mine for more random stuff. Cause you know, we are random personified and all that jazz.

The day started out on time. I woke up the first time my alarm went off. Mini miracle! Then time-keeping went downhill after that. I don't know how. I have this other habit (which I think may be the cause of my lateitis) where I tend to waste time doing nothing i.e staring at the wall, looking out of the window. Because one second it was 11.30, next 12.59.

Grab bag,check outfit one more time,check oystercard,leave house,run to bus stop.

Shoot! Forgot phone. Run back,get phone. Run to bus stop.Again.

Now I have to wait for the bus driver to actually drive. Why is it that bus drivers tend to drive so SLOW when you're running late? Like, honestly when I don't have to be anywhere at a specfic time I always get there much earlier than normal. Maybe I'm imagining it? Anyway back to the story.

The bus finally moves off and I arrive at our designated meeting spot. I come just in time to see Joey being talked to *cough*creeped out*cough* by this mature gentleman. She has the international signal of distress on her face; a polite, yet please-get-me-out-of-here smile. Being a female I'm able to recognise the signal and automatically make my way to rescue her.

(un)Fortunately, Joey sees me before I can get to her and excuses herself from the clutches of the gentleman. Which is great but totally ruined the possiblilty of a dramatic rescue. But never mind! Cause Joeystar and Maybelle are reunited..and it feels so gooood!! After browsing the stores and indulging in the occasional spongebob one liner we decide to get something to eat. Tofu Yakisoba for me and sandwich for Joey. Yummers!

Whilst in the queue for my yakisoba I remember that Joey's never tried sushi before. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sushi's biggest fan (I'm slightly suspicious of any type of raw fish) but it's all about trying something new. So we decide to get some sushi too, Oh and wasabi peas, For anybody who hasn't tried wasabi peas I implore you to try it ASAP! It does what it says on the tin. Wasabi flavoured dried peas. Feel the burn babybeh! Armed with our purchases and food we head on over to this really nice,man-made garden to have a picnic. It's kind of like a roof-area, with grass. Only its not a roof. And it's not entirely grassified..(Is that even a word)

Yeah..

I'm not good with descriptions. Anyhows..

Food. Check.
Shopping. Check.
Spongebob one liners. Check
Place to eat? Check

You know what else irritates me? British weather. The whole week it had been nice and sunny, heck even heatwaveish. The one day we decide to brave the heatwave it decides to rain. Where was this rain when I was melting last week? Abandoning our hope of a picnic we head downstairs desperately seeking man-made shelter.

JOEY TRIED NIGIRI SUSHI!!! I was so proud! I even took a photo to document the moment. One second you're making their baby formula and the next they're eating nigiri sushi... They grow up so fast.By now 2 weeks worth of rain is falling at a continuous rate and shows no sign of slowing down. We agree that we should admit defeat and retreat back to a more sheltered environment (i.e. my house). The driver lets us off at our stop, throwing us to the mercy of the rain, with little more than a rain coat and a hijab. You know what time is people. Mission Rainpossible.

*Cue Mission Imposisble theme song*

Mysterious voice:Ladies. It's raining cats and dogs. Your mission? Escape unscathed. Oh and agents.Be warned, better agents than you have tried...and failed.
Yeaaaaaaaah...

You should have seen it. Running from one tree to another. Hiding in every nook and cranny. What should have been at the very most a 2 minute walk turned into what could very well be a dramatic outtake from a Harry Potter scene. Rain,wind, EVERYTHING!

But the rain couldn't dampen our spirits. Despite having met up rather early (by my standards at least) the day was over before you could say 'bikini bottom' (which fyi is where spongebob resides). I walk Joey back to the bus top,sad that our day is over but laughing about all the jokes and random things we saw and did.

After bidding Joey adieu I realise that instead of walking around 10 mins to the bus stop we could have just gone to the one opposite my house. D'oh.

Victorian Wasabi!

3 outfit changes, 2 makeup removals later and I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready. Hahah! Spongebob on the way to work at the Krusty Krab! Oooh did you see the episode when…No! Concentrate! Right…the outfit changes I blame on the weather not being able to make up its mind, and the make up removals I blame on lack of concentration, as seen earlier. I can’t be blamed, my mind wanders off on its own and there nothing I can do about it. It’s like a helium balloon let go of by a little kid with no parents.

Anyhoo, back to what I was talking about…uhm..ah! So I’m dressed and got on an average bit of make up, now all I need is my bag and off we can go! I feel like I’m forgetting something….*think think* MAY’S BIRTHDAY CARD!! THAT’S LIKE THE WHOLE REASON I’M GOING! Just got to run up to get it! OK! Now I’m ready! I’m ready, I’m ready. STOP IT!

God! This hill seems so much longer today than it did last month. Stupid ticket machine :F Oh! Wait! There’s the lady. TRAIN! Wait!! COME BACK!!! Dayum, I’m going to be late now! :F

I like being on the train by myself, just me and my music and…oh…this…person…sitting next to me. Wait! What are you doing MAN, why are you sitting next to me!? You’re ruining my MOJO!! Yeah, I do have a mojo, it might not be cool, but it still exists. Now I’m on the tube. I just magicked there you know. Argh! The tube’s there already! Run slash walk, I will not miss another bit of transport! Phew! Made it! Mister…stop looking at me in the reflection. I can see you! Now I have to avoid eye contact, changing ipod setting, scrummaging in bag, nail inspection. I’m getting bored. STOP LOOKING AT ME!! I CAN FEEL THE STARE!!!

And not just that..I’m waiting in the train station and there’s a guy who is blates Jack from Will & Grace but older, and I can see him looking at me and walking past pretending he isn’t looking at me, but I just know he is! Anyhoo, eventually he starts talking to me, turns out he doesn’t want to kidnap me, he just needed some help! MAY’S HERE! “Sorry Jack, I have to go, my friend is here. I hope you find your friends, or they find you! BYE!”

Yummy sushi is being eaten, and wasabi peas and now it’s raining! Stupid rain! You had the whole of last week to be here and you come now! To May’s house! Aww, what cute baby photos :D and a bit of Michael Jackson, things can’t get better than this!

Mr G- Dragon, come on down!!

Wow..Joeystar set the standard quite high. All eloquent and whatnot. I’m almost going to feel bad about the jibberish that I’m about to write.

Almost.

But alas, a beggar will always be a beggar and May will always not make sense. Where did I get that “beggar will always be a beggar” from. I think I just made that up. The mind works in mysterious ways, mine moreso.

Alrighties back on track. Big Bang. Or as they refer to themselves “BIG BENG”. My korean friends' tell me this is due to the fact ‘bang’ means room (in korean), which I assume they wish to distance themselves from as it doesnt have the same effect. Big Bang, Big Room. I take the former. Their name (according to their label) is to denote the big effect and revolution they hope to create in the korean idol world. After all the Big bang gave birth to the world (according to some) and Big Beng gave birth to something equally awesome. A reincartion of boybands. Prior to big beng I mean bang they were all pretty and feminine looking..like really feminine,like ohmygod is it a female kinda feminine, like andrognous looking, like..okay I think you get it.
But then came them. All hip-hoppy and r’n’b and cool. All with the exception of one.

Mr G-Dragon. Mr Kwon Ji Yong. Mr Ecclectic. Mr Obi Kwonobi. Mr I-have-to-be-different-yet-I-can’t-distinguish-between-different cool-and-different odd. Mr I-get-it-so-horribly-wrong-90%-frikking-amazing-10%-of-the-time.

Don’t get me wrong. He’s the composer of the band and occasionally the writer but that will only get you so far on cool points. Why is he not cool I here you ask? Two words, a thousand implications.


The Hair.

I had to capitalise the word hair because its that serious. It’s no longer an improper noun, but instead an adjective. For example, consider this conversation I had with a friend a few days ago;
Me- I’m glad exams are over. I feel like I’ve been slipping with Big Bang. I’ve missed out on so many updates. Heck I even missed out on GeeDee’s trip to London.
Friend A- But you don’t even like G-dragon. Wasn’t TOP your favourite?
Me- It’s not that I don’t like him. It’s that I don’t understand him. And FYI me and Tabi are on first name basis now. That’s right. First name.
Friend A- Tabi?
Me- Yes, it’s a nickname, lovingly given to him.
Friend B- You are aware tabi sounds like tubby right? Isn’t that harsh considering he used to ACTUALLY be tubby?
Me- You shush, why are you involving yourself, tabi has reclaimed the word tubby, because hes special. It’s like the word gay. Originally used against the homosexuals,they reclaimed it sometime ago and now its a positive word. Huzzah tabi!
Friend A- And you say you don’t understand G-dragon? You should techincally speaking be best of friends.
Me- I don’t like that tone. Or that implication. Or that facial expression.Cease!
Friend B-O...kaaay. So which one was G-dragon?
Me- The leader?
Friend B- The ginger haired one?
Me- No..that’s Dae Sung
Friend B- The short one?
Me- No he would be Tae Yang. And he’s not short. They’re just really tall its not his fault they paired him with really tall bandmates.
Friend B- Whatever helps him sleep at night. So which one is he?
Friend A- The one with the uhm hair.
Friend B- OHHHHH the skinny one. Why didn’t you just say that? Yeah whats up with his hair anyways?
And thats how I realised that the word hair alone became an adjective when used in conjuction with G-dragon. The sad thing is that the hair wasn’t always like this. I feel that he’s recieved encouragement from his bandmates. Taking comfort in the fact his hair looks so damn bad.Poor misguided guy.

When Big Bang first debuted he actually had very nice hair. It was all short and spiky and suited him. But then the curse of the hairstylist befell him. The hairstylist curse is one that plagues many many MANY artists. Let us not forget the mullet of the 1980s (business in the front,party of the back! ), we all thought it was the result of poor judgement (and perhaps alcohol and shearers) but its only just surfacing that it was the hair stylist curse. The curse is believed to affect artists in their prime and is often the first step towards the hairowing demise (haha hairowing, sometimes I even amaze myself). Billy Ray Cyrus...coincidence that after the mullet he "settles down" and disappears from the music world, nah it wasnt his achy-breaky heart but rather "A bad hairstyle with his name on it".That's only going to be funny if you're aware that Mr Cyrus has a song called 'A heart with your name on it', don't ask how or why I know this, just know that I'm deleting it from my memory bank as I type.

Back to the curse. I have good reason to believe that our beloved Kwon Leadah has fallen prey to the curse. There is someone on his stylist team with a lock of his hair performing voodoo magic right now. That's the only reasonable explanation. No sane person would actually CHOOSE to look that bad. Unless..no no its the curse. Definiately the curse.

Cue the photo montage!!